Oh, Erik.
My life is a suckfest.
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Im definitely drinking a lot more before I call you which is good. it shows im maturing. I finished the Malibu so everything I eat tastes like candy. So im going to drink water now because I am a responsible drunk and I will see you tomorrow. We are going to shop because I need new clothes.Erik leaves a voicemail.
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Honest to God, I’m in a room with Zach Galifianakis. Trust me. I’m nine shots deep.Erik Newman spots a celebrity
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I fucking tumblred about Gossip Girl last night!Erik Newman reveals his proud moments
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Erik: “I am Erik Fucking Boss Newman”
Lizi: “Did you really just make your own title?”
Erik: “I have a family crest, Lizi. How many people do you know that have a fucking family crest?”
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So tonight while my friend was cleaning the entry mat at her work, I yelled ‘Yeah! You clean that carpet!’ Lesbians were sitting in the booth across from me.Erik Newman in public places
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Lizi: “Hey, Erik! Remember that time we made you come see Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2?”
Erik: “Yeah that was a really horrible movie. Why didn’t we just watch the first one?”
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So today in class I heard some girls in the row behind me talking about me, ‘Is that a hickey?’ they said. Now don’t get ahead of yourself here this is me we’re talking. To answer their question, no it is not a hickey but simply stress induced acne.Erik Newman admits his life is a suckfest
